


Scars of the Past

by LordCheezIt



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Anxiety Attacks, Bisexual Character, Break Up, Crushes, Dating, Deep Conversations, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Friendship, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Lowkey a vent, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, One-Sided Crush, Romance, Talking Through Feelings, Toxic couple, Working through feelings, supportive friends, this is a oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 19:38:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19410016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LordCheezIt/pseuds/LordCheezIt
Summary: [Takes place right after 3x16] When Amber tells Jonah that she loves him, every mistake involved in all of Jonah’s past relationships resurface. Since Jonah cannot handle the amount of emotional baggage, he enlists help from Cyrus.





	Scars of the Past

**Author's Note:**

> Hello it is I, once again. This is just a quick oneshot, don’t worry I’ll have the second part of “2 Years Later” coming out soon.

One would expect two people in a relationship to be completely and utterly honest with each other about their feelings, but this was indeed not the case for the teenage frisbee team captain, Jonah Beck, and Amber Kippen, part-time waitress at The Spoon. Truthfully, it was more like the opposite. 

Most of Jonah’s past relationships always ended in a huge mess. He never meant to hurt any of the girls he dated, but it seemed as if he had a never-ending streak of bad luck with romantic relationships. The green-eyed boy truly did not know how to tell anyone how he really felt about them, no matter the circumstances. Jonah was oblivious to most social queues so that made it harder for him to understand what to do whenever he was dating someone, nor the significance of what a relationship is supposed to represent. He always went along with what he “should” do, rather than think about what he wanted for himself. 

Even though Jonah never talked through his feelings with his girlfriend(s), the 14-year-old boy sometimes found himself ranting to his good friend Cyrus about it on occasion. They would often share very deep and meaningful conversations about their emotional issues, and it made the two boy’s bond stronger. They trusted each other, and to Jonah, Cyrus always gave him great advice. The green-eyed boy would joke that Cyrus was basically his “mini therapist”. 

But unlike most of their deep conversations, the one the two boys were currently sharing was much different. It was, as Jonah put it, a much bigger deal. It was as if a final string pulled, the feeling of a bow for a violin being snapped in half was present inside his heart. The world around him was being torn apart in Jonah’s eyes. He had never felt more confused and lost in his entire life. 

“ _ Hey _ ,” Cyrus gripped the other boy lightly by the shoulders, steadying Jonah’s focus on him so he was brought back to reality. “Remember what I taught you, breathe in slowly,” Jonah obeyed Cyrus’ directions, inhaling deeply. “Now exhale for five seconds.” Jonah let out the air he was holding in. His eyes were free from his despair, and looked longingly at Cyrus’ dark chocolate eyes. 

“Thank you.” Jonah showed his gratitude. 

Cyrus shifted back into a normal sitting position where he was facing Jonah. “Anytime. Now, what’s going on, Jonah? You haven’t had an anxiety attack like this since..” Cyrus’ voice trailed off. He didn’t even need to finish his sentence, Jonah knew exactly what he was talking about. 

“Yeah, since Andi broke up with me at your bar mitzvah.” Jonah’s voice was so low it was nearly a whisper. “Things have been so complicated, Cyrus, I don’t understand what is happening anymore.” Jonah covered his face with his hands, hiding the fact that tears were forming in his eyes. 

Cyrus almost immediately wrapped his arms around Jonah, his hand rubbing the other boy’s back gently. “Hey, hey, look at me. I don’t want you to have another panic attack, let’s talk this out, Jonah.” Cyrus’ words caused him to remove his hands from his wet face. “You’re going to get through this, I promise.” 

Jonah put on a dishonest smile to suppress his thoughts of grief. He nodded at the dark-haired boy sitting next to him on the couch. 

“Well, I guess what started all of this was the other day...when Amber told me she loved me.” Jonah turned to glance at Cyrus before continuing. “I know I don’t love her back, but I don’t know what to tell her. I hate how complicated all of my romantic relationships are.” 

Cyrus was silent, but very interested as to where Jonah was going with this. He knew that since Jonah rarely exposed his deepest feelings, admitting all of this to someone out loud was difficult for Jonah, so Cyrus periodically squeezed the boy’s shoulder as a sign of comfort. He was grateful that Jonah could express his feelings to him instead of keeping it bottled up. 

“Like,” Jonah went on with his emotional rant. “All of this started to make me look at the grand scheme of things. All of my relationships failed because of me. Andi and I broke up so many times because of things I did to her.” Jonah felt his muscles tightening. “Heck, we “broke up” even before that, when we just friends.” 

“Not only that, Libby broke up with me when I thought things were going  _ well _ for us, I thought our ways of communication were getting better.” Jonah clung to his sides as he clamped his eyes shut. Cyrus moved slightly closer to him so their arms were up against each other. “But I guess I was wrong. People always tell me I’m oblivious and I really wish I wasn’t. Maybe then I could function like a normal human being and recognize when I’m avoiding and hurting other people’s feelings.” He exhaled a shaky breath. 

Jonah’s pause between sentences made Cyrus think it was now or never if he wanted to help his friend. “Jonah, you may be oblivious sometimes but you’re not completely unaware of everything going on around you. And I think we should take this one thing at a time instead of the entire problem all at once.” He gave Jonah reassurance. “Now, from what you told me, it seems like you want to be with Amber, you want to hang out with her, but you don’t want any romantic feelings involved.” 

Jonah nodded in agreement. “Yes.”

“It seems like you just want to be her friend, Jonah, and that’s completely okay. But you should be telling  _ her _ how you feel, I know it may seem scary but leading her on to think you like her that way will have a much worse outcome.” He looked deeply into Jonah’s wide emerald green eyes. “Amber will understand if you explain to her what you’ve been going through.” 

“I’ll try my best.” Jonah twiddled his thumbs. “I just hate having all of these regrets from hurting everyone...I want to stop making other people have to deal with problems because of my mistakes.” A single tear slid down Jonah’s cheek. 

Cyrus grabbed a tissue box from the side table and handed it to Jonah swiftly. “Here.” He ensured that the other boy wiped away the tears that streaked his cheeks. “Jonah, I think I know what might be going on.” His expression was one that Jonah couldn’t place. He looked guilty, upset, worried, and in shock all at the same exact time. 

“I’m pretty sure that, due to the fact that in your first ever relationship, last year, with Amber, you had a false belief of what a relationship was supposed to be.” Cyrus began, Jonah mentally pleading for him to go on. “Considering that she used to be very toxic, she treated you horribly which sort of, in a way, left a mental scar on you.” 

Jonah cocked his head to the side. “A _mental_ _scar_?” 

Cyrus paused for a moment and then explained. “A mental scar is sort of like an actual scar, it’s a permanent mark, or in this case, a set of false prior knowledge and experiences of manipulation, that is engraved in your mind forever, like an actual physical scar.” He placed a hand on Jonah’s. “I promise you, it’s not your fault. And you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.” Cyrus gave Jonah a genuine and warm grin, along with a light squeeze to his hand. 

Jonah thought about it, and a look of realization hit him in the face. “That does actually explain quite a lot,” he agreed with Cyrus. “You’re really smart Cy-Guy. I would have never figured that out.” 

The dark-haired boy let out a chuckle and waved him off. “It’s no big deal, it’s what I’m here for.” 

“So wait…let me get this straight,” Jonah changed the subject. “How will I ever get rid of this mental scar if it’s never going to go away?” Anxiety filled the boy’s body once more. 

Cyrus stopped Jonah before he could imagine possible cruel futures. “Scars may not permanently go away, but they fade, Jonah. They fade.” 

Jonah sighed, most of his anxiety lessened. “In the future, how will I go about relationships then? Do I need to search up on google how to maintain a healthy relationship?” Sarcasm was displayed through his voice and Cyrus giggled at him. 

“I think all you need is a new thought process for what relationships are and how they work.” Cyrus informed him. “But seriously dude, I think for a little while you should take a break from the romance department.” Cyrus laughed as Jonah playfully shoved him. 

“So you’re gonna teach me? You’re going to be my personal Cupid?” Jonah asked. 

Cyrus rolled his eyes, a smile still remained plastered to his face. “Not exactly. But it’s kind of like a metaphor-based thing.” He earned a sideways grin from Jonah. “Think of it this way, a relationship is supposed to represent the deep romantic connection that two people have between each other. Not just friendship, but as partners, two people who would do anything for each other.” 

Jonah gawked at Cyrus. He didn’t realize how much Cyrus knew about romance, but he was very intrigued. “But, how exactly do you know when you have strong feelings for someone and it’s romantic not platonic?” He asked. 

Cyrus blinked. “Well, uh, it’s the kind of feeling where you get all excited whenever you’re around them, you feel tons of butterflies in your stomach.” 

Jonah raised his eyebrows. “That doesn’t sound too pleasant.” 

Cyrus laughed. “It’s not like that, dude. Getting butterflies in your stomach is a phrase meaning that a person gets a fluttery sensation in their stomach whenever they’re nervous around the person who they like.” Jonah mouthed “oh”. 

“Plus, even if you have a crush on someone, you get all sorts of warm feelings, it’s slightly different for everyone.” Cyrus’ thoughts trailed off to when he had a huge crush on Jonah back in seventh grade. “If you really admire someone for their looks, personality, and take notice of the small things that they do, then there’s a good chance that you have romantic feelings for them.” 

Jonah’s eyes widened but he remained silent. He became so distracted by Cyrus that he barely realized that his face was flushed a light pink color. 

Luckily, the other boy who was giving Jonah his lesson on dating did not take notice of it. 

“In a way, you would probably have a crush on someone if you want sure they’re always happy, want to spend time with them a lot, and would give up anything to be with them.” Cyrus kept talking. 

Jonah interrupted him with a question that had been on his mind during their entire conversation. “What if you think you have a crush on someone but you actually don’t? Or vice-versa?” He was worried to accidentally start another relationship based on a lie. 

Cyrus patted Jonah on the shoulder. “Dude, it’s okay to make a false conclusion, it’s a part of being human,” He assured Jonah. “Feelings are extremely complicated and it’s hard for everyone to make any sense of them. But only, in the future, start a relationship when you know for sure that you like the other person. Everyone has a way of knowing that they truly like someone.” 

“What’s your ‘way of knowing that you like someone’?” The green-eyed boy was curious. 

Cyrus’ shoulders became stiff. “Oh, well..uh,” he stammered. “My heart usually beats really fast, especially when I touch the person.” 

Jonah felt a sudden ache in his chest. “I see.” 

The dark-haired boy saw that Jonah had gotten slightly uncomfortable, so he steered back into their conversation. “Overall, I think that covers just about everything on romance. It’s a very complicated process but I think you’ll be okay, Jonah.” Cyrus placed both of his hands carefully on Jonah’s shoulders. “But promise me that you won’t date anyone for a while after you break up with Amber?” 

Jonah utilized the free space from Cyrus holding onto his shoulders and wrapped his arms tightly around Cyrus so they were hugging. “I promise I won’t. Thank you Cyrus, I don’t know what I would do without you.” The light-haired boy smiled to himself as he placed his head in the crook of Cyrus’ neck, feeling the immediate contact between their skin. 

As for Cyrus, he was shocked, but that soon wore off as he returned the warm gesture. “It’s no problem, Jonah. I’m always happy to help you.” He spoke softly into the green-eyed boy’s ear. 

Jonah’s head all of a sudden became swarmed with thoughts, zooming around in his brain making him very overwhelmed. He felt himself starting to sweat a little, and he could only hope that Cyrus didn’t acknowledge it. He could feel a rush of warmth enter his cheeks, spreading to both his ears and neck. His heart rate had sped up too, all of the aforementioned symptoms ultimately causing the green-eyed boy to break away from his and Cyrus’ hug. 

Jonah quickly jumped off the couch to put on his shoes, making up an excuse for him to leave. “U-uh sorry Cyrus but I g-gotta go now.” He mentally scolded himself for stuttering so much. “I should probably tell Amber about everything. Y’know?” 

Cyrus gave him a weird look. “Oh alright I’ll see you later dude.” 

Jonah tugged his shoes on and began to speed-walk out of Cyrus’ living room before he tripped over his own feet and fell onto the carpet. 

_ ‘Oh my god I look like a huge fool’  _ Jonah thought. He immediately got up and waved goodbye to his friend before he could embarrass himself any more than he already had. 

Once Jonah shut the front door, he leaned against it and sighed in relief. But, he could feel something  _ off _ . He remembered seeing Cyrus’ confused face before he had escaped his friend’s house. 

Jonah felt bad for leaving so unannounced, but he had one of those “fight or flight” responses to hugging Cyrus. His mind blanked for a short second. Then, his heart started to, once again, beat much faster than normal.

_ Ba-doom. Ba-doom. Ba-doom. _

A huge wave of realization hit him right in the face like a monsoon. His cheeks fired up on cue. 

  
  


_ Oh my god. I have a crush on him. _

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Hiya, hope you guys enjoyed that. Please leave kudos and comments :) I’m more likely to update my fanfics lol


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